How to Menopause: Yes, You Can Feel Even Better Than Before Says Tamsen Fadal
Show Snapshot:
An epic on-camera hot flash on live TV started Emmy-award-winning journalist Tamsen Fadal on her menopause journey. For the first time in decades, she didn't finish the newscast. She would later receive a message from her gynecologist in her health portal saying, "In menopause... any questions?" but with no guidance on navigating a flood of symptoms.
Now, Tamsen has written the menopause manual she needed, "How to Menopause," an expert-driven, girlfriend-approved guide to feeling your best in menopause, midlife, and beyond. Tamsen joins me to open the pages of her new book, share actionable steps and evidence-based tools from her 42 contributing experts, and reveal personal anecdotes that will make listeners feel seen and supported.
Bonus! We hear Tamsen's meet-cute story and learn how she gave love a second chance in midlife. If menopause has been bumpy, or you're worried about what's coming down the pike, do not sleep on this show!
Show Links:
Follow Tamsen:
Tamsen’s Book:
How to Menopause: Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life, and Feel Even Better Than Before
Quotable:
I want women to be prepared for menopause so they don't do what you and I have done and go—wait, what's going on?!? I feel like that we owe it to them to get them ready.
Transcript:
Katie Fogarty [0:03]
Katie, welcome to A Certain Age, a show for women who are unafraid to age out loud. I'm your host, Katie Fogarty.
Beauties, serious question. Are you tired of feeling like your body's got a mind of its own? Well, you are in the right place today. We're talking with Tamsen Fadal, an Emmy award-winning journalist who's basically become everyone's go-to menopause friend, the one you text all your questions to in the group chat. Hot off the heels of throwing the world's largest menopause party and launching a brand new podcast, The Tamsen Show, Tamsen returns to A Certain Age to bring you into the chat. We are diving into her new book, "How to Menopause," a guide that cuts through all the confusion to give us what we need: real talk on sleep, mood swings, relationships, your sex life, and keeping your career and life on track while your hormones do their thing. Whether you're experiencing roller coaster changes now or want to be prepared for what's ahead, this episode will give you the knowledge and tools you need. Welcome back, Tamsen.
Tamsen Fadal [1:05]
Oh, thanks for having me. I was looking forward to this.
Katie Fogarty [1:07]
I am looking forward to this too, because we've had several great conversations. I'm really excited to explore this book, but I want to open with a little bit of stage setting. You took a path from being an Emmy award-winning journalist to menopause advocate. It is the ultimate midlife pivot. What was the moment that made you realize that the menopause conversation needed to change for you and for the rest of us?
Tamsen Fadal [1:30]
You know, it's funny. You asked me that, because if I think back, I think of two moments. I think of one moment that I called a friend of mine and I said, "Can you believe a billion women?" And this is like 2022 maybe. "A billion women are going to be in menopause by 2025. It's three years. But that's amazing. I just can't believe it." So that was one moment that really sticks out to me. And then I think the other moment was when I got this note on my patient portal that left me really confused, and that kind of... I didn't know I was going to do this, but I knew that I had a lot of questions, you know? And the note was, "In menopause. Any questions?" And I went, "Oh, yeah, I have a lot of questions." I think that probably started it, but I didn't know what it was going to do, other than, at that point, try to make me feel normal again.
Katie Fogarty [2:12]
Yeah. I mean, a billion women in menopause is a massive, massive club, but when we're in it, right? It feels very isolating. You're looking at your patient portal, hearing you're in menopause and not really having a road map. Yeah. Speaking of road maps, I've spent some time with this phenomenal book, and I saw that Stacey London, who's also been a guest on A Certain Age, she says of your book, "Tamsen is the big sister, the best friend. We've needed to talk about all of it. I wish I had this roadmap when I was in my 30s." So tell us about the roadmap. What does this book cover? Who are some of the experts featured?
Tamsen Fadal [2:46]
I struggled a lot with what to write, because I felt like it was really important. You know, I've done interviews my whole life, right? So I knew that that's really what I wanted, is to bring some of these experts who have been talking for a long time about these things that we need to know to the forefront. So that was super important. But then it was also important for me to take it out of the doctor's office, because I feel like I'm not a doctor, but I'm a woman that's gone through it and listened to a lot of women's stories, and a lot of our stories are the same. So it was important to me to move into other areas of the book. We talked about sex, talk about sleep, talk about brain, talk about nutrition, fuel motivation during this time in life. So that was important for me to do. So I hit, you know, some of those experts. You know, Stacy London, one of those experts talking about how our style changes during this time. Lisa Moscone, a neuroscientist, talking about our brain and all the tremendous research that she has done. Dr. Kelly Casperson, talking about testosterone. Dr. Mary Claire Haver, talking about nutrition so. Dr. Sharon Malone, I could keep going on, you know, explaining to us about hormone therapy, but every one of them had, you know, just something to add, and I couldn't leave that out, and that was important for me. And then to go into the lifestyle part. Well, that was the part that was super, super fun.
Katie Fogarty [3:59]
Yeah, the book really covers all the bases. You feature 42 experts, many of the country's top docs, and it's really packed with very practical information. Truly, it is a guidebook, a primer on everything from HRT to non-hormonal options. But it's also fun to read because it's really sprinkled with anecdotes, personal stories from both your contributors and from yourself. And you share in this book some very vulnerable stories. You talk about experiencing a precarious financial situation after going through a divorce. Then you share your sort of foray into dating after a divorce. There's a very vulnerable story about being out to dinner with your now husband and being in perimenopause and having one of those unexpected surges of bleeding, where you basically bled through your skirt. I was really knocked out by the candor that you brought to this book. Thank you. Talk to me a little bit about why it was important to share so vulnerably and openly.
Tamsen Fadal [4:54]
Yeah, I don't know if my husband would agree that he loved all of my candor, but I... Yeah, but I thought it was necessary, because we don't talk about it. We just don't talk about those things out loud. And we feel, I think, they're wrapped in a lot of shame. They're wrapped in a lot of embarrassment. And that leads us to, oh my gosh, it's only me going through it. If I tell somebody else this, I'm weak, I'm irrelevant, I can't handle myself. I'm not a strong woman anymore. And that's those are all the things. So it's really, really true. You know, I was out, I was out with a friend last night that I hadn't talked to in a while, and my husband and her husband were talking, and then she and I were talking, and we're giggling and but we're talking about sex, we're talking about testosterone, we're talking about the fact that, you know, our drive is back. And, like, just, it was TMI, for sure. And my husband goes, "What were you guys talking about?" And I was like, "Oh, you know, just catching up." And I thought it was hilarious that she and I have been together for a lot. This is the first time we had such a raw conversation. It was awesome. And because I think that's what we should be feeling like we are able to do, not allowed to do, but that's what we should be doing.
Katie Fogarty [5:58]
Absolutely. And the book captures that. The book's really, really captured. It feels like sort of the girlfriend's guide to menopause. And you mentioned Dr. Sharon Malone. She came on the show to talk about girls. She's phenomenal. I've interviewed her twice, and I just literally have a girl crush on her. She's so smart and funny and wise and just like a blast to hang out with, but she shared that her book, "Grown Woman Talk" was "what to expect if you expect to live after 40." And that made me laugh, because we all are familiar with that Bible of pregnancy, "What to Expect When You're Expecting," and this really has like the girlfriend's guide to perimenopause and menopause. So talk to us a little bit about who you see reading this book, because it is not just for women who've experienced menopause. To me, it seems like it's a get ready for what's coming. If you're in peri, it's even for your late 30s, early 40s. Who do you see as the ideal reader?
Tamsen Fadal [6:48]
I mean, I think that is the ideal reader. I want women to be prepared for this so they don't do what you and I have done and go, "Wait, what's going on?" Let me backtrack and remember, you know what was happening during this time. Or I want that to be the reader, because I feel like that we owe it to them to get them ready. So I was like, "Oh, is it how to perimenopause, or is it how to menopause?" But I think "How to Menopause" captured it. And I know that it's just one day. And I do feel like this is that reader that we can take them from their 30s all the way up. I didn't want to leave anything out of this, because we're all going to be here at some point. You know, it's not like you're 30 and "I'm never going to get to 40 or 50 or 60." We know how quickly those years go by. And I think preparing for them makes it feel less alone, makes it feel less vulnerable, makes it feel less shameful. And so that's what I'm hoping. I'm hoping that that audience, you know, that this can be passed from a daughter to a mom, a mom to a daughter to a grand, that we can move this through the generations so that people find a little bit of themselves in each part of it, which is why the women's stories were so important to me, too.
Katie Fogarty [7:47]
Yeah, absolutely. And it truly is for sort of all ages and in all stages. And there are different chapters that will probably speak to different people. So I think this is, you know, if you're firmly in post-menopause, and listening to this, this book is also for you, because it touches on so many different topics. So one of the... we just talked about all the amazing experts in the book, there are 42 of the country's top doctors. But the book really goes beyond simply the physical changes, because menopause impacts all aspects of your life, including relationships. I know that relationships and intimacy can take a hit during menopause. I myself have struggled at different times with libido and sort of painful sex, and have gotten myself tools that have really helped right that situation. What is your advice for communicating with partners during this transition, when people are navigating body changes that are both physical and sort of affect how you feel about your sexiness?
Tamsen Fadal [8:40]
Yeah, it's funny, I woke up this morning to a message from a guy on Instagram, and he said, "I've been trying for months to get my wife to talk about perimenopause and menopause and bring it up to her, because we've not had any kind of sex life. And I can tell she just seems very different, and I don't know the best way to bring it up." And I was like, wow, that means this conversation is moving, which is exciting to me, but it's such a great question you asked, because that is what we have to do. We have to be able to open those communications. And it's not easy. It's not easy to be sitting at dinner and go like, "Hey, I noticed our sex life is, you know, not what it used to be." But I interviewed a couple of people that I think are really experts in that space. And Dr. Emily Morse is one of the big ones. She talks about sex very openly, very candidly, very easily. And I think that that's where we have to get. We have to get to a place where it becomes part of our communication, where it's not just the physical parts of it, where it's also the mental parts of it, where it's also understanding what our partner is going through and what that woman is feeling right now. You know, I wrote like a script to my partner, like "This is what I want you to know. No, it's not you, but here's what's happening with me, and I'm trying to figure it out myself." I think it's important to be able to open that line of communication, the earlier the better. And that's the reason I feel like that book is a nice thing if you're younger as well.
Katie Fogarty [10:00]
Yeah, absolutely. And I've heard Emily speak and Dr. Emily Morse speak. She's really a knockout and has great tools, and she shares many wonderful ideas in this book too. Tamsen, we're heading into a quick break, but when we come back, I also want to talk about some of the body changes that we experienced during menopause, and some of the solutions that you share in the book.
Tam, we're back from the break. When we went into it, we talked about how it's, you know, we're talking about changes to our sex lives. Some of that is physical, but some of it is, you know, the changes to our body that sometimes impact how we feel. If we're feeling sexy and gorgeous and confident, midlife, body changes can do a number on our confidence. I know that you have a chapter in the book with a lot of resources about how we approach fitness and nutrition during menopause. I know that you yourself have added a nutritional certification to your professional toolkit in midlife. What are some recommendations that you want to put on the radar of our listeners?
Tamsen Fadal [11:11]
Yeah, I think first of all, not feeling like you're not doing enough. I think that was a really important thing for me to get through my head, that because my body was changing, because my midsection was just feeling really, really different, that it wasn't because I wasn't doing enough or working out hard enough or eating perfectly, or it was not that. This is like what was happening as my estrogen levels were changing. So I think that that was super important. I wanted to make this chapter not "You've got to spend $1,000 on a grocery list and food prep and do all these things" that I've tried to do for years, and I'm just not great at doing all of them. I wanted to make sure that that area was about fueling the body and reducing inflammation and making food where it doesn't feel like it's just a chore or something you dread. For me, a Mediterranean diet has been a huge part of my life, because I feel like I get everything essential in it, and because I'm Lebanese, and so that's what I grew up eating all the time. But I felt like looking at food a little bit differently was important for this chapter. I've been through the food issues in my younger years, and been pretty open and candid about it, and I wanted to make sure that those didn't start up again during this time. So I wanted to think more about the nutrition part of it. I wanted to think more about the fact that we're looking at what each thing does to our body and then figuring out how to get more protein. I mean, I don't know if you're like me, but protein was never part of anything I talked about. It was less calories, less fat, no sugar, but protein wasn't it. So I've made that a huge focus during this time.
Katie Fogarty [12:39]
Yeah, that we've explored protein on the show in the past, actually, with Dr. Sharon Malone and Dr. Jessica Shepherd. I've also had fitness experts like Holly Rollinger on the show, who talked about the importance of protein for muscle building. So that's definitely something that I've been working on, prioritizing myself. Tamsen, the book explores, really, the 34 different symptoms of menopause. Which ones, in your experience, tend to catch women most off guard, and what would be your advice for dealing with them?
Tamsen Fadal [13:05]
You know, I think the big one that frustrates most women is the sleep. I think it's just huge, because it impacts every single part of your life. And that's the one that I think, that I feel like if you, if you start to get that one under control, then you can start thinking clearly about some of the other things you're dealing with. So that was super important to me. You know, I think, I think weight, again, is bothersome, and then the brain fog, you know, is the other one that is debilitating, oftentimes for women, and I don't want them to be dealing with that, whether they're trying to get through life with family, trying to get through life with work, trying to just figure things out, enjoy their best life. I think those are the three biggies for me. And then the other area that I look at of the long-term, you know, health ramifications of menopause, which I didn't know about until I really dove right into this. I didn't know that brain and heart and bone were really that... you know, I thought, "Ah, well, I'll deal with that when I'm older." Well, osteoporosis is a huge part of all of this conversation, and so that's been a big focus for me. And that comes with working out, looking what you're doing with regard to vitamin D, and then obviously estrogen, if you can do that, or replace your hormones somehow. Those are the kind of the big ones with sleep. I do magnesium, I do progesterone, because I am on HRT, and that's been a game changer for me. And then, you know, we addressed just kind of focusing on the lifestyle, but again, I think overall, just paying attention to myself in any way, and trying to say, "Okay, you're gonna have to pause for a second, and you're not gonna go at 100 miles an hour just because you can, because it's not serving you long term."
Katie Fogarty [14:39]
Yeah, absolutely. And that constellation of challenges that you outlined, the three things like the lack of sleep, the brain fog, that kind of lack of energy really makes people not feel like themselves. And sleep is the bedrock, because if you can get your sleep handled, that impacts your mood, it gives you the energy to maybe do the other things. Making good food choices, or exercising and eliminating brain fog. So sleep's the major thing. So magnesium, progesterone are part of it. Did you pick up any other ideas from interviewing experts in the book that you've incorporated into your own life, or that you think that we should know about?
Tamsen Fadal [15:16]
Yeah, you know, I think one of the ones that I did, and I started, I've talked about it quite a bit on social but getting outside to light the first thing in the morning. I started it now about a year ago, because I've been writing this book for two years. So that was a big one for me. Like just changing that and then getting to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time. Huge game changer, Katie, like I thought that was whatever. I don't need a bedtime. I'm not seven years old. It is a huge game changer. I'm stunned by it, to be honest with you. So I do feel like I'm getting into some kind of rhythm there, and that makes me happy, because when my sleep is not good, and you know what that's like, I can feel like I'm crazy. So it has been a really big deal. And then I also think relationships are a huge part of what I've paid more attention to lately. And community, I think you and I know that there is this really special community in this time, in life and space. I mean, I don't think that you and I would have come together. I don't know maybe we would have because of, you know, journalism and background, but this really brought us together. And I feel really honored to be in rooms with you, and I feel really good that I could pick up a phone and talk to you and and I think that that community part is special.
Katie Fogarty [16:22]
I agree. There's a really openness. There's an excitement about connecting with women that care about the things that you care about. And there is, yeah, you know, like a safety in it or something. There's such a sisterhood. I really, truly feel that. In the... do you explore this in the book about how you've expanded the network of women in your life? Social relationships are such an important part of our wellness. It's so good for our our energy, our brain, our mindset and our mood. You also, again, shared a very vulnerable story about having to move away from a friend that you learned or discovered or finally realized that you probably didn't have the healthiest relationship with her. And I thought that was really wonderful to share too, because it's that's something that people don't talk about as much, sort of friendship breakups. And I thought that was really, really vulnerable. Do you feel that going through menopause helped reshape how you look at relationships in general or specifically, in any way?
Tamsen Fadal [17:23]
Yeah, I do, I think in all aspects, actually, which has been an interesting change for me. You know, I spent 30 years doing the news, and so it was like five shows a day, 25 shows a week. By the weekends, I'd catch up on my sleep. Other I was getting up at two o'clock in the morning to do the shows, or, you know, not getting home until midnight. I think a lot of the years passed me by, you know, so now I look at those relationships differently, definitely with friends and community, definitely feel a different sense of appreciation with people, and feel that safety thing is very important for me now, you know, like I feel like I could pick up the phone and say anything to you, and I hope you feel the same way about me, and it doesn't matter if I don't see you every day. There's those bonds that we're forming at this age, and I think that's important. And then with family too, you know, my parent, my dad, is here. He turns 85 in January. And so I just, I feel, really, it's amazing to have him. And so I feel like I appreciate that more than ever. And then career relationships too. You know, I want to do something that it has a real purpose to me, and I stepped away from my career, and that was scary, but I'm really glad I did, because I feel like it's important to these other relationships that I'm forging.
Katie Fogarty [18:33]
I love that you share that about your dad. Because I gave up doing New Year's resolutions a couple years ago, I just was like, I'm done with that, but I did more set intentions about how I wanted my year to look like, and kind of focus on a couple broad areas. And last year for me, it was the idea of just being more present and spending more time with my parents, you know, because I... so important, I just think like it's finite. Time is finite. I want to spend as much time as possible banking memories while I can. So I love that, and I've seen that relationship with your dad play out on social media, and you take trips, and it's so delightful, and it's such a... I don't know, it's such a special thing. And I think really getting to midlife finally teaches us that we do want to hang out with our parents.
Tamsen Fadal [19:19]
Totally. I used to be like... Right! I was like, "Drop me off far away!" Exactly, and see you right? And now it... but now I'm like, so happy. We went to Spain. We were walking around. I'm like, this is cool.
Katie Fogarty [19:32]
I absolutely love it. It's so fun. You mentioned career just a minute ago, too, and I know that because you had come on the show in the past to talk about the PBS documentary "The M Factor" that you created and screened nationwide on PBS and at community theaters all across the country. That movie focused in part on how menopause impacts women at work. And your book, of course, focuses on this as well. What surprised you the most about how menopause intersects with women's professional lives?
Tamsen Fadal [20:07]
Yeah, I think a little bit of all of that. I think first of all, how quiet women have been all along about it, which I just have to give it up to them, because they just struggle through a lot. I think that the intersection of brain fog is huge there. And then I also, I step back for a minute and say, but, but, we don't want this to penalize women, right? Like, we don't want people to say, like, "Oh, I don't want to hire a woman because of, you know, I don't want to go through those years." So I think that when we look at women now, I want us to look at the strength that they're bringing to us, that they're bringing wisdom and talent and all of these incredible things during this time in life that we didn't have before. And so I think that that part's important, but I do believe, when I look at it, I go, "Huh, women have been so silent and suffered through so much that that's just not okay." And so we need to be in a place where we allow them to at least have some resources. It doesn't mean that they have to have, you know, everything has to be super special and different for them. But I do think it's really, really important that we pay attention to it and we know exactly what's going on.
Katie Fogarty [21:10]
And you have been sort of criss-crossing the country, talking to lots of different people. You featured a company in the movie. What are some of the, I don't want to use the word accommodations, but what are some of the support services? I guess is perhaps a better word that you've been hearing that people are incorporating at work to help support women in this transition, in this life stage.
Tamsen Fadal [21:30]
Yeah, I think it's access to just some help. You know what I mean? I think that that's really important. I think it's important that we're looking at these plans that we're providing women if, if you have insurance, and you're lucky to be able to do that, I think being able to open those avenues up, I think that if women want some type of information, I think it's nice to have it. I know people have done a whole bunch of different things to help accommodate women, but I think we want to be careful that we don't ever have it used against us, and that's what I always want to look out for. Look, they've done some great things. The UK has done amazing things to help women, and they've been a real, I mean, you know, a forerunner in all of this. And so I'm thrilled to be able to see that, because that's what we need. We need examples, and we need companies to stand up and not be afraid, to stand up for women and help them, because we want to retain these women in the workforce. We want them to stay there longer. We need their wisdom, and that's where I think we forget that sometimes.
Katie Fogarty [22:24]
Yeah, absolutely. And I think that there's these types of conversations, this book, "The M Factor" film, just putting this on people's radar, de-stigmatizing it, making it part of the everyday conversation, the conversation around the water cooler at work, the conversation around your dinner table with your kids. I mean, I really do see the zeitgeist shifting, not just because you and I are immersed in it and, you know, having conversations in rooms with people that are caring about it, but I have seen that when you came to into my community on Long Island and did this film screening. You know, I received so much great feedback afterwards.
Tamsen Fadal [22:57]
Oh, I'm so glad.
Katie Fogarty [22:58]
And then many, many, many of the women who were there were like, "I should have brought my husband." And, you know, I think...
Tamsen Fadal [23:04]
Oh, yeah.
Katie Fogarty [23:05]
I think that is changing as well. There is...
Tamsen Fadal [23:07]
I do too.
Katie Fogarty [23:08]
...a greater recognition that menopause is not just something that impacts women and impacts partners, and it impacts your wife, your sister, your friend, your colleague, your daughter, and people want to be educated.
Tamsen Fadal [23:20]
And it makes me feel so good. That makes me feel so good.
Katie Fogarty [23:23]
Oh my gosh. Agree with you. Tamsen, it was really... it was great. It was great, great, great feedback. And I was able to say, like, "Well, they didn't come to the screening, but they can see it on PBS, watch it with them, and then have these conversations. And I read this book. Hand it to your husband."
Tamsen Fadal [23:38]
Thank you.
Katie Fogarty [23:38]
Get the book and hand it to your husband. He'll get brought up to speed, and he's gonna enjoy reading it. It's interesting.
Tamsen Fadal [23:44]
Good. I like that. Thank you.
Katie Fogarty [23:46]
But I do want to switch gears in a minute and ask you about sort of divorce dating and relationships after menopause and in midlife, because you have been very, once again, very open and transparent about the fact that you, know, went through a sort of a bruising divorce, dated and met and married somebody incredible. What would you say to a listener who's thinking, oh, you know, like, I want that for myself, but I feel like it's too late, or might be over because of the age or where I'm at?
Tamsen Fadal [24:14]
Yeah, I mean, it's definitely not too late. I have to say that I didn't know that that was ever happening to me, not. It wasn't even on my radar. And quite frankly, after my divorce, it was the last thing I wanted. And then I was just kind of going through life, getting to know myself again. And I was, it was in a really great place to be alone. I was... I was okay. I was like, I had a nice enough group of friends that was large enough where I felt like, "Okay, I've got this. I'm okay." And my family, great work, but I didn't know what I didn't know, right? And so I ran into my husband, and it's funny that both of us were like, "Oh yeah, I'm never getting married again." And so both said that, and so then fast forward. Haha, when you make plans, and he and I joked about this recently, I said, it's not funny. Like we were both like, so adamant, like "We're never getting married again," and here we are. I just feel like you don't know what's on that next path. And just because it's not working out, because you went on five dates, on match, or whatever platform you're on, it doesn't mean that... I think you let everybody know where you're at. Let everybody know if you are looking for somebody or you're single, I think there's nothing wrong with that at all. And I think that you should have that group of friends that helps you look around for people. I think this is a cool time in my life to have a relationship, because there's not any of those other factors involved, and we're not worried about a lot of different things. And I said to Ira recently, I was like, "I just really wanted somebody to walk the world with." Like that kind of was what I was looking for, just a person not to get married again, but just to travel and do all these different things. And so I would say that it is not too late. It's never too late. And the older that you get, there's sometimes even a little bit more freedom with that. So keep your eyes open and don't feel like you have to make it a job. You don't.
Katie Fogarty [26:01]
I mean, to meet somebody, like, I think we did in our 20s and 30s. Like, "I've got to meet somebody. I've got to get married." We don't feel the time.
Tamsen Fadal [26:09]
Yeah, totally. And I don't feel like we have that now. I think sometimes when you've removed that pressure, the pressure the timeline, the pressure of like, "I need to find somebody." And you just said you had went through this bruising divorce and achieved peace, with your friendship, with your life, with who you're. And I think that it's when we almost, like, stop actively looking that things come to us. In some ways, it's like...
Katie Fogarty [26:29]
Yeah, when we're not chasing it.
Tamsen Fadal [26:31]
I mean, I ran into him at an elevator bank, you know, had just come from the pool. I was like, "Who? Oh, hi." And just kept going. And, you know, now I look back and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, hysterical."
Katie Fogarty [26:42]
Chance of that encounter.
Tamsen Fadal [26:43]
Yeah.
Katie Fogarty [26:45]
Oh my gosh. Are any listeners who are out there looking for love? Okay, go to the elevator, like, look around in the coffee shop. It's where you least expect.
Tamsen Fadal [26:54]
It was so strange.
Katie Fogarty [26:55]
I love it.
Tamsen Fadal [26:56]
So strange when you're out there living your life, right?
Katie Fogarty [26:59]
Yeah, it all comes together. Totally. I do want to ask you also, I love that story, by the way. Thank you so much.
Tamsen Fadal [27:07]
Thanks.
Katie Fogarty [27:08]
But maybe later you'll tell me what elevator bank, but that was...
Tamsen Fadal [27:11]
Four Seasons in Miami.
Katie Fogarty [27:14]
Oh, that's hysterical. Well, your last chapter of the book is really about sort of embracing this, about embracing midlife, about opening yourself up to new possibilities and a new way of being. The last chapter in the book is actually called "Silver Linings, Embracing Your Not So Final Chapter," and in it, you say something that I wrote down, which is, "Never forget that the truthful answer to the question, 'Will I feel like myself again?' is not exactly. Menopause is a major life transition, and you will emerge from it a changed person. You will feel good again, but you will feel like your new self." So my question for you is, how has moving through this transition changed or added to your life in any way?
Tamsen Fadal [27:58]
Oh, gosh, I feel like it's given me, well, first thing, I think it's given me a sense of like what I was put on earth for. I had no idea, you know, I love journalism for a long time, but I never, yeah, I wasn't always personally involved with all the stories I was doing, the stories about something or a community, or helping a community, and that was really, really important. This became really personal, not just because it was me, but just because it was every single person I've ever known or loved, and in women for me were just really, really important. Losing my mom at an early age, I always, you know, women around me were a very important source of everything for me. So I think that that's one area. I think the you know, the freedom of getting to speak openly and being a little bit louder. And I think what it did for me is change how I look at relationships like what you were talking about, a little bit more present, a little bit more aware, a little bit more grateful, just seeing the world differently than I did before. I saw the world as a to-do list before, you know, over my days as a to-do list, and I don't see them like that anymore.
Katie Fogarty [28:58]
Oh my gosh, that feels so powerful. I love that. I also like, I'm somebody who loves a to-do list, and I'm trying to...
Tamsen Fadal [29:05]
Me too. I didn't say I didn't have them, Katie, but...
Tamsen Fadal [29:09]
I did look at every day like that. It was like, get up, go walk the dog, get to work, even get to... I mean, that's what my days were like, and it was brutal sometimes, you know. And I don't feel like that now, and it's really not, and it's not that I'm not at 100 miles an hour, I am, but just feels different.
Katie Fogarty [29:28]
Yeah, it's such a more expansive kind of open, generous, hearted way to approach life. I love it.
Tamsen Fadal [29:34]
Yeah.
Katie Fogarty [29:35]
Thank you, Tamsen, this has been such a great conversation. For our listeners, this book is "How to Menopause: Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life, and Feel Even Better Than Before." I have read a number of menopause books over the years of creating this show, this one is truly special. It really is the girlfriend's guide to how to menopause, what to expect for the peri and menopause crew. Get it for yourself. Gift it to your sister, your niece, your daughters and your husband, if you have one, because I think anyone could benefit. You, Tamsen, before we say goodbye, how can our listeners follow you, find your work and make sure that they don't miss any of your tips, tools and information and resources on how to menopause and thrive during this time?
Tamsen Fadal [30:21]
Tamsen Fadal, Instagram is probably always the easiest way. And then we have a couple of fun Facebook groups as well that we have fun conversations in.
Katie Fogarty [30:28]
Beauties. This wraps A Certain Age, a show for women who are aging without apology, and what a fabulous episode. Tamsen is so much fun to hang out with. From throwing the world's largest menopause party to her brand new podcast, The Tamsen Show, which kicked off with the one and only Halle Berry, Tamsen is an incredible voice for all things menopause and thriving during this chapter. Please share this show with all the phenomenal women in your life. Rate and review the show over on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen. This one deserves all the stars. Special thanks to Mike Mancini, who composed and produced our theme music. See you next time and until then, age boldly, beauties.